The End of the Road by John Barth (1958)
pg 36 "a day without weather is unthinkable, but for me at least there were frequently days without any mood at all. On these days Jacob Horner, except in a meaningless metabolistic sense, ceased to exist, for I was without a personality. Like those microscopic specimens that biologists must dye in order to make them visible at all, I had to be colored with some mood or other if there was to be a recognizable self to me"
pg 85 "Take a day job, preferably factory work, but not so simple that you are able to think coherently while working. Something involving sequential operations would be nice. Go out in the evenings; play cards with people.....Exercise frequently. Take long walks but always to a previously determined destination, and when you get there, walk right home again, briskly...Don't get married or have love affairs yet: if you aren't courageous enough to hire prostitutes, then take up masturbation temporarily. Above all, act impulsively: don't let yourself get stuck between alternatives, or you're lost. You're not that strong. If alternatives are side by side, choose the one on the left; if they're consecutive in time, choose the earlier. If neither of these applies, choose the alternative whose name begins with the earlier letter of the alphabet. These are the principles of Sinistrality, Antecedence, and Alphabetical Priority."
pg 136 "...the greatest radical in any society is the man who sees all the arbitrariness of the rules and social conventions, but who has such a great scorn or disregard for the society he lives in that he embraces the whole wagonload of nonsense with a smile. The greatest rebel is the man who wouldn't change society for anything in the world."

steampunk - the romance of steam powered trained, pots, society. the romance starts when nostalgia kicks in; when its dark out and we have already forgotten why we were here in the first place; when music ends and leave traces in the electric neurons up north where its weak and when the firing speed slows to 3 years per shot; when i don't remember why i was asking why when the craziness is about now; when you search for something and lost track of what it was you were searching for on your way; so try hard we must, try hard to grasp yourself in the process when you don't quite understand ____.

Old classical writing. An encounter between good and evil; with the lost of good at the end. Stunningly not so stunning given the glorific bloody horror we watch this generation which totally spoiled our innocent mind. Good boringly interesting (with consideration to the time it was written) read.

Definitely a "Penguin Classic". I present to you all, madame et monsier: Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.

You stay behind to clean up the mess. Your heart is not presently with you, you are gone for the moment, into the silent lake deep in the woods, your see your reflection on the glassy water, you touch the water with the tip of your finger, ripples moving outward from the point, the reflection changes to him, the man hidden inside your heart, he stares back at you, or is he just seeing through you, his eyes closes, you feel relieved and float back away from the lake, floating back through the way you came, floating between the woods, feeling the cool breeze from your back, you focus on the lake and float backwards, he opens his eyes, you are sucked right back in with full force, you lose control, you move and falls in the dark pupil of his eyes.

Fragile. Transparent. Glossy. Transformation. Plastic. Slippery. Float. Repetition. Rush.

I do believe that if a person watches porno consistently on a regular basis for let's say around 30 min to 1 hour daily, the person may not be able to function clearly in the head. There maybe altered perceptions that will affect the view of sex, sexual activity, and the opposite sex (or same for that matter).
There are naive viewers who may watch once in a while when bored. They create fantasies about the pornstars and think of reasons and questions about the particular person in the movie. I have been addicted to watching this Japanese porn star get screwed by these ugly men who seemingly do not deserve to get this piece of ass. The thought of this thought made me realized that I may have fallen in the trap of porno viewing. I think of possible reasons for the performance (she is coerced, her mother owes money, she likes sex, the mafia is involved) which are gullish. I help made up stories for her because I don't want to believe the reality. Or maybe the stories are reality. Possible?

Books read in 2008 (up to today):

In defense of food - quit those artificial foods and go natural. Natural wins. Don't trust those granola bars and diet foods.

Sickened: The memoir of a Munchause by proxy victim - not a very eventful story. Basically the mom is one of those othordoxic/trapped thinkers who abuse the girl who did not know what's going on. Kind of boring. Didn't finish.

Skim - Teenage comic. Not too bad for a teenager's mind I guess.

Book of Mercy - I just love Leonard Cohen.

Post Office - First Charles Bukowski novel. Short, and interesting. About a men who works at the Post office sorting letters. This apparently boring job actually brought on some interesting encounters with people who sort out mail and those who receive mail.

One Hundred Years of Solitude - An almost heavy read with all the similar names and stories over several generations and of lots of characters. Some characters seem to live forever and some appears as apparitions. It's almost like a short version of a Spanish bible.

Invisible Monsters A Novel - Chuck Palanuick. Another crazy Chuck-style novel about this jawless character who found her true inner self being a member of a gang of pill stealers who disguise themselves as ficticious people. Not as weird as it sounds.

If You Liked School, You'll Love Work - HAHA to the first story.

After dark (by Haruki Murakami) - What happens after dark from 10pm to 6am. Murakami is always a good read. (most of the time)

kid a: bits his wrists till it bleeds. have to wear a wristband. his mom makes him spagetti daily and i once found a bug inside.
kid b: kicks you. spits at you. throw plastic stuff at you. digs his nails in you.
kid c: make sounds to entertain himself.
kid d: scratches. skinhead. cries and pulls down your shirt.
kid e: flaps and flops. repeats stuff on tv.
kid f: bites.
kid g: loves hitting stuff. friendly and will have accidents.
kid h: bold. don't know him too well.

it's boring when it's my turn.
it just sucks the interests out of everyone when i vocalize.
my mind is a universe but i only show you a leaf.
when you decide to stay i may reveal a tree.
i try to find the lines between the eternal nothingness and our matter.
but you will fall into the suction when left into ennui.
how now shall i unfold if you will sleep while i expand.
maybe it doesnt really matter since i will not demand.

*He doesn't like parties because he feels lonely when everyone is gone.

*She thinks before she speaks and people think she is slow.

*They teach the kids to hop on one leg but they hate it.

*I eat fresh celery so I can shit.

*The cat has been shaved and is happier than ever even though he feels ugly.

It's cow season.

(We love the monopoly machine located in one of Japan's arcade hangouts. I played till my nose bled like a fountain, leaving some red stuff on the buttons. We lost all the earned tokens cause of the freakish bleed. It stopped the moment I stepped outta there.)

Some girl asked me to marry her on her way to perform a concert. I said maybe if you kneel I will consider. I don't remeber if she knelt or not. Anyways, I am still not married when I woke up. So I guess she didn't or I rejected.

I read about insects and I hate them. I need to learn more about this enemy. Why the hell are they so colourful and leggy? Why can they fly while I can only cover my head? They love to leave body related stuff around too - including unused wings, outgrown shells, flakes, cocoons, jelly, fluid trails, shit, saliva, and vivid images embedded in our brains. Worms and crocroahes are a tie. One is cubby, fat, and brainless. The other made of complicated compartments with disease. Fuck i hate them.

chocolates rest upon the ______
all dusty...but it looks tasty
i took one and it melted in my _____
who is looking for a ______
the webs covered everything
like our ______, old and irresistable, cannot lie about the desire i cannot hide

I am lost.

we tried to reach
but it cannot be undone
our destiny changed when we lefted the garden
you picked up the ribbon
and i stayed behind
didn't you promise to take me away?
the clouds felt and i saw the eclipse
it blinded my eyes but i can still hear you sing.....continue with the singing

Flowery clear chiffon envolopes our body, touching the wrinkled light fabric, I gave you the wavy lamp but kept the object, sensing the heat but kept our distance, particles of cologne left in a few strands of my hair, the evidence fades, just like the shadow I could not capture.

* hey hey i want to tell you a secret! *

Sex Test Labs:
They alter the genetics of women so they will have three breasts to squeeze. They put their vaginas between the breasts to test the increase tension. How about siamese twins with two heads to moan and one perfect body. Re-shape the hollow mouth so fellatio makes more sense. Erase their memories so they can be forever virgins.

Oysters are one of the sexiest fleshiest yummies.
Squeeze some lemon (or not), a drop of tobasco (or not), hold the shell and let it slide in your mouth along with the sea water.

I HATE

I HATE SENECA COLLEGE. It is the dumbest school with the dumbest teachers with the dumbest registration office and everything about it just suck. SUCK.

1. Field placements: The professors don't give a damn. They don't even meet with you to discuss your options or choices. If you have problems finding a placement, that's your fking problem. The best they can do is provide you with an outdated list of numbers in which you can call and hope that someone somewhere out there will accept you.

2. Emails: Emailing some of the profs is useless. They either just don't return your email or it'll take days before they check and finally reply.

3. Registration: They don't give a shit about your education or your money at all. In fact, they don't even care if you don't register. They mistakenly put my mark as DNC (drop out of class) and blame the prof for not entering the mark. (In which case the prof, of course, will blame the registration...and you'd be left in the middle to suffer.)

4. The Department Heads: These people aren't any better. If you've got problems, talking to them won't make a difference. They just dont' care. And stop bothering them at their coffee breaks already.

5. Switchboard bitches: They are all rude bitches. They hate their job and they hate you.